Life with More

It's a Saturday. The house is somewhat clean, the dishes are done, the baby is napping (the other two are running errands with dad), my work to-do list looks manageable, I just pulled cookies out of the oven, and I'm feeling pretty accomplished. Like maybe I'm getting the hang of this mom-of-three thing for a minute. Don't blink, the moment won't last. And I say that with humor because, Murphy's Law, something is bound to go wrong.

Reagan is now six weeks old and I can say with confidence that adjusting to baby #3 is a lot easier than baby #1. Even with two older children to care for, the veteran mom knowledge really makes a difference. By 6 weeks with Cormac, I was in excruciating pain every time I nursed him (thanks to severe nipple damage likely caused by a lip-tie which was finally released around 6 weeks), I was living like a zombie surviving on minimal sleep, and I was just barely feeling ready to leave the house and run errands with a newborn. Flash forward 4 years, and I'm working part-time hours at home, shuttling all 3 children around pretty much wherever I need to go (or foregoing an errand until I can get childcare for at least 2), and most of the time managing to put dinner on the table and keep the toilets fairly sanitary. But don't be fooled, I definitely don't have it all together. There are more days now when I lose my temper and yell at the children or snap at my husband than there were with just one baby. Yes, the capacity for love expands exponentially with each child, but my capacity for patience seems to have dwindled. And that's even with lots of help!

I haven't started this new year with a long list of resolutions or big goals because, honestly, I've been too busy to think that far ahead. But I do know that I want to move through this year with more patience, more grace and a sense of balance in our family life. For as much as children learn in the first few years of their lives, I think their parents learn just as much, if not more. Parenting brings out your strengths... and weaknesses. Flaws are magnified in the light of little eyes. Mom guilt is real and there are some days that end in defeated tears, for everyone. Motherhood is a sanctifying process ("...but women will be saved through childbearing..." 1 Tim. 2:15), and I'm grateful to be experiencing it. And very conscious of how far I have to go. I've been so blessed, but that's still easy to lose sight of when you're busy crying over spilled milk (yes, it has literally happened).

Our pastor said something recently (in the middle of another long Sunday morning wrangling toddlers to sit still and shush up in the pews) that made my ears perk up. How do you know you're doing God's will? How do you know what His will really is? Well, up front, we don't. Only God knows that. But we know our purpose in life: "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever" (WSC). So, the surest way to know we are doing God's will is to ask if we are glorifying Him. When big decisions or changes come up and we question whether we are seeking His will, or questioning what He really intends in the midst of our struggle, boiling it down to the yes or no question, "Am I glorifying God?" seems to clarify a lot.

For me, as I start 2018 with a bigger family and a longer to-do list, I want to be asking myself that question more often and acting more consistently with the honest answer. Letting my selfishness or impatience get in the way of pivotal parenting moments is not glorifying to God. Greeting my husband at the end of the day with defeat and frustration is not glorifying to God (or edifying to my husband). Employing my skills and talents to help strangers or friends, educate my children and support my family is glorifying to God. Thinking less of myself and more of others is glorifying to God. And starting my day with a humble appeal to His throne of grace for the wisdom and strength to accomplish these things is essential.

So, what does life with more children look like? A few more broken moments... and a lot more grace.

Introducing...

So excited and still a little surprised to introduce our little early bird, born 2 weeks ahead of schedule! She is a pretty happy little lady so far, a good eater and sleeper, and we are feeling very blessed.

Moira Kenley McCarthy

Arrived Thursday, January 28, 2016, 10:12am

Weighing 6lbs 14oz, 19.5" long

 

More details to come on the birth story and her name meaning!

How Pregnancy is Different (and the Same) the Second Time Around...

I'm giving myself credit for writing this post at all because, honestly, being pregnant the second time around means there's just not as much time as there was with the first pregnancy! Keeping up with a toddler and freelance work keeps me on my toes pretty much every day of the week. It's a wonder we found time to conceive a second child... TMI? Just checking to see who's reading. ;)

It has been a very difference experience this time around: we're no longer living in Chicago, I'm not working a full-time job and, of course, we have been through this once before. Not to say that makes me a pro (by no means!) but I do feel a lot more comfortable with the physical, emotional and mental changes that come with pregnancy. I can't say I feel the same level of comfort about parenting two children... but we'll get to that eventually, I guess (I hope!).

What's Been Different...

1. The Test: With my first pregnancy, I took a pregnancy test at home, early on a Saturday morning. I was pretty surprised at the results, to be honest, and had to let it sink in for an hour or so before notifying hubby of the impending addition to our family. With this second pregnancy, I was at Target with Cormac and had a sneaking suspicion... so I picked up a test and took it right away in the Target bathroom (classy, right?). The results were instant and I called DH right away. :)
2. The Beginning: First trimester was horrible. With McBaby #1, I had mild queasiness, in the morning, that was usually gone by the time I got to the office. With McBaby #2, it was all-day, non-stop nausea. Eating didn't help, not eating didn't help... it was no fun at all. Not enough to make me lose my lunch, but just enough to be a constant reminder that something was up (in an encouraging "there's-a-baby-in-there but please-make-it-stop sort of way). This was also my first clue that Baby #2 might be of a different gender...
3. The Reveal: With my first pregnancy, the timing worked out so that we decided to let both families know on Mother's Day. It happened to be the Sunday after my brother-in-law's wedding, so we were with lots of family on one side and got to make the announcement in person. For my family in Georgia, I sent a special book about being a grandmother to my mother and waited expectantly for the call when she realized what the gift meant. It was a really happy moment. :) This time around, we were able to announce to both families in person. First, during my father's birthday dinner at our annual family reunion in Georgia. Can't say there was the same surprise as with the first announcement, but it was still fun/amusing to see the looks on their faces. When we got back from Georgia, we bought Cormac a cute "Big Brother" t-shirt to wear at our 4th of July party in Indiana a few days later... it was funny how long it took the family to realize that this meant another little McBaby was on the way!
4. Time flies! As I sit here writing this, I am 36 weeks pregnant. And can't believe that in approximately 3-4 weeks (hopefully not more!) we'll be welcoming this little baby into the world. The weeks and months really have flown by. With my first pregnancy, each week was agonizing, especially early on, worrying about how the baby was doing and feeling anxious over the impending life changes. Of course, I still have concern for the welfare of baby #2, but the anxieties associated with a first-time pregnancy just don't seem to have as much impact the second time around. You know what to expect with labor & delivery (for the most part) and you can anticipate the time and energy required to care for a newborn, and so on. I have some new concerns about what it will be like to care for TWO children rather than just one... but I'm pretty sure taking it one day at a time will get us through. :)
5. Wardrobe: The first time around, I was working full-time in a corporate office environment and my wardrobe reflected that: suit pants, blazers, dressier tops, etc. I don't know how much I spent expanding my clothing options to accommodate my maternity size, but I was glad to be able to feel comfortable and work-appropriate in the clothes I purchased. This time around, I'm at home most of the time and, with the exception of client meetings and church, I don't have as much occasion to "dress up". I've been trying to create a more minimalist wardrobe that really suits my day-to-day activities and clean out pieces that I may have had for years but just don't suit my lifestyle anymore. This process will definitely continue after the baby is born and I return to my pre-pregnancy clothes.
6. Cravings: I wouldn't exactly call them "cravings" in the traditional sense, but I have certainly had different eating tendencies this time around than with Cormac. My first pregnancy spanned more over the warmer months and I ate a LOT of fresh fruit. Perhaps by the pound. This time around, I have been pregnant over the holidays and that has definitely made a difference. Lots more cookies! I've also wanted more protein-heavy items (meat, cheese, etc.) and potatoes... french fries, anyone? Hopefully this baby doesn't come out a total butterball!

What's Been The Same... 

1. Good times! I enjoy being pregnant! Except for the first several weeks of morning sickness (which seemed to drag on and on), I have generally enjoyed this pregnancy as much as the first one. The sense of anticipation is slightly different, tempered by the busyness of every day life with a toddler and working from home, but it is still such an exciting and hopeful time. Aside from a few bouts of illness and tiredness (which is generally resolved by going to bed early), I've experienced a sense of energy and creativity in both of my pregnancies so far that have made it a very pleasant experience. I wish women would talk more about all the happy and positive aspects of pregnancy, rather than waxing poetic over the not-so-enjoyable parts. But, I suppose that' s human nature. Either way, I'm here to tell you that being pregnant ain't half bad! :)
2. Medical Care: As with my first pregnancy, I decided to see a midwife group this time around. I am so grateful that we live within a short driving distance of a highly reputable midwife practice and birth center. Although we had a midwife with Cormac and the experience was everything I could have hoped for, I delivered in a hospital environment (Prentice Women's Hospital in Chicago). This time around, we'll be at a birth center for a more "homey" experience. But the quality and type of care I've had with the midwives has been on par with my previous pregnancy and I'm so grateful that this has been available to me in both pregnancies thus far!
3. Carrying "small": I don't exactly feel small at the moment, but I continue to get comments on carrying "low", and not looking "big enough" to be almost ready to give birth! It may have to do with that fact that I have a longer torso (and shorter legs), but it seems that the baby has plenty of room to hang out in the lower pelvic cavity, so I don't really get as large higher up. I feel as though I'm carrying the same as I did with Cormac (plus maybe a few extra pounds), so it's nice that there hasn't been much variance between carrying a girl vs. boy!
   
4. Labor/Delivery: Well, I'll have to give you an updated on this later... but I do hope my labor/delivery experience is as good this time as it was the first time! I remember having some anxiety about what to expect the first time (who wouldn't?!?), but I also remember feeling at peace that whatever happened was in God's hands, and it would all work out for the best. While I do have one L/D experience under my belt this time around, there are still a million different things that could happen... the same or different. But, as before, I'm putting it in God's hands and trust that He will keep me and baby healthy and happy before, during and after delivery.

All in all, pregnancy has been such a fun and positive experience for me and for that I am extremely grateful. It is such a short time-frame in comparison to the task of parenting, and this is what makes it such a special phase. As much as I look forward to meeting baby girl McCarthy, I'm happy to say I'll also be enjoying these last few weeks of pregnancy... just a little while longer that we're a family of three!

Secret's Out... Baby Girl is Due!

I've been waiting to share our special baby news until we found out the gender -- and today is the day! My 22-week ultrasound confirmed that a little GIRL is on the way, due to arrive mid-February 2016. We are thrilled. :) I would have been thrilled with either boy or girl, of course, but there is something very special about being able to have at least one of each. My heart is very full that I am being given the opportunity and privilege to mother both a son and a daughter. Luke 2:19

And now, for the special photographic public service announcement (plus a few outtakes)...